Why telling the truth is hard
Struggling with initiating truthful communication is very common. If you can relate to this, take a moment to reflect on how you were raised, the home you grew up in, and how your caregivers related to honesty.
Some of us were encouraged to be truthful only if it was positive, “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”
If you grew up in a family with limiting beliefs and rigid ideas about how things should be, you may have not been raised to know who you are and what you want. You may have been given explicit or implicit encouragement to suppress emotions and your truth. This teaches us to suppress our basic truth to avoid ridicule, rejection or punishment.
Here are some questions to aid in reflecting on the past and connecting the dots (we are not blaming rather exploring the environment that shaped us):
1. Was honest communication a value in your family home?
Some families value acting honestly, like a good, fair and just person, but do not value speaking truthfully about feelings, especially messy difficult ones.
2. Did parents speak about their feelings openly and honestly?
Unspoken of feelings, such as anger or frustration, do not go away just because they are ignored, rather they go underground. The more feelings are ignored, the more difficult it becomes to understand them. The force behind these unexpressed feelings continues to inform behaviors and thoughts without our conscious awareness, often leading to unwanted outcomes with little insight.
3. Did you grow up in a family that valued people-pleasing?
Some families will bend the truth of a situation to avoid offending others, such as telling white lies or going along with something that wasn’t wanted. Part of talking honestly is remaining in integrity with yourself, so that others get to know the real you.
4. was speaking the truth encouraged or discouraged especially if your truth was different from the majority?
Did it feel OK for you to openly disagree with others and did you feel accepted when you did so? If you knew negative repercussions might come, you would have learned to avoid truth and confrontation and may still be continuing to do so.